"As is a tale, so is a life:
Not how long it is, but
How good it is,
Is what matters."
Losing someone you care for, that you admire, that you love, takes its toll on you. The perception of mortality becomes real. Not that you might have not known before but only then, i think, do you get the feeling that this will, someday, be nothing but a memory for others once you’re gone. Some say that someone is really only gone when the last person that loved them dies too. I find it to be beautifully sad and hopefully true.
I’ve had my share of losses in the past decade. I’ve never felt heartbreak as i did when my mother passed away. Only then, did i really got the point to this so-called living. It doesn’t really matter who you are, how you behave, what footstep you leave behind because there is nothing but randomness concerning life. There isn’t any reward for being this or that. There is no punishment either. There is only acceptance of the fact.
It takes us between 2 to 3 days to actually bury someone. And then, the only thing that really happens is sharing this deep sadness and regret. That is all it is. You’re sad because this wonderful person is gone and everyone else, packed with their best cliche’d one-liners, join in. And regret because only then it dawns on you that you will never ever be able to share a joke, a smile, a secret with this person. You’ll end up seating somewhere hearing people share all this stuff about your loved one like it is their business. You feel like punching everyone. But you dont because you’re an adult and you must behave as such.
This 2 to 3 days period should be used for remembering your loved one. You’ll have time for sadness and regret later, take my word on that. This period should be useful to say goodbye by remembering what made them so loved in the first place. Take joy in remembering all the good things you had together, every memory created, every step side by side. I wish i had done this. I wish i had focused on the good instead of being distracted by the uneventful parade of emptiness trying to tell me how good of a person she was or how hard she was going to be missed. Thank you, really. I wouldn’t have get it if you lot hadn’t told me repeatedly.
Don’t be like me. Don’t be bitter just because. Be remindful of everything good, everything great you’ve shared. It might not make you feel any better then but in the long run, you will be a better person for it. You will feel better for having had the opportunity to remember as the person deserved. Not that you can’t do it after. You can and you will. But you will have all the time in the world to mourn as you should later. Focus on the good things for now.