Sometimes i forget that people still have the ability to suprise me. I try, sometimes real hard, not to judge them. Mostly, i succeed. No one should be able to judge anyone, you can gather an opinion, but you shouldn’t judge. Although i recognize the difficulty in it, i really try not to. But every now and then, i slip up and become too judgemental.
I got surprised today. By two different people. For two different reasons.
In the early hours of 2019, i fucked up. That is all i am at ease to disclose. I knew right then that i wasn’t being the best version of myself. You can promise all you want but if you’re not honest with yourself, you deserve a “fuck you”. I mean it, truly i do. 2019 will have to see the follow up to the reform of Santiago Roque. 2018 was just the kickstart.
I was surprised because someone was bold enough to lay it out for me. Bold not because i am above it all, but because it was out of character. This someone that seems so alienated from everything, so easygoing, so invisible to the daily absurdity of life and yet, aware of my mishaps. Well, thank you, really and fuck you too.
The other surprise was a book given by someone that i wasn’t expecting to do so. Not that this person isn’t generous or thoughtful. But because it was out of the blue, completely unexpected. We don’t have the type of relationship that we can give such gifts. So it came as a genuine surprise when i saw it! I appreciate the gesture, it was very nice and extremely thoughtful. I texted saying thank you for the loan but it is actually for me to keep. All the more special.
By day 2 out of 365, i already have fucked up and got pleasantly surprised by people. Balance couldn’t be more present in 2019.
A few things have happened because i write here. When i started writing, i did it as a form to express thoughts or anything actually that i wasn’t able to express by other means. Sometimes i write life as it happens, sometimes i express memories and sometimes i just let out my frustrations. I am having second thoughts about this whole idea, it was always meant to be anonymous but it seems it isnt. I need to rethink this.