Today is the last day of 2018. Like that, 365 days went by. Some were easy, others way too difficult to relate back. I’ll store 2018 as a year of challenge, both personally and professionally. In some cases, it was shocking to realize how things are.
I always knew deep down that the day would come that everything that i had held up within, would come crashing down. This weightless burden would become too much and i would find myself underneath it all, striving for breath, for something to hold on to, something to breathe life into me. The realization that we are indeed vulnerable and hurt just the same breaks you. You are told you’re an anchor that many times that you start to believe it. You start to feel an obligation to be anything or everything anyone needs. It works till it doesn’t. You’re still stronger than most but not above hurt, pain or sadness. You need a break.
You realize there is no perfect scenario. Life is what it is. There is no defeat in life if you live it. But you have to live it. Do not concern yourself with regret or mistake.
And change may be inevitable. Perhaps you wake up one day and you realize that maybe your favorite color is no longer green but blue. Or your favorite animal is no longer a dog but a koala. And sometimes holding someone’s hand means a whole lot more than you thought. It is fine, things change with time. Adaptation may be required.
I’ll never be above error or regret. That is part of living. I can only decide how to fix my fuck-ups. And that is okay with me. It should be okay with you too.
I do as i preach. For the better and worse. It is the only way i know how to be me. Looking out from the outside, i may come across as a mildly arrogant, indifferent, yet charming and charismatic guy. I am indeed arrogant yet charming. I believe in balance so if you find me one day arrogant, i am sure the next day i’ll be twice as charming. It is what makes people like me, i suppose. And those that don’t, well, those can fuck off. That is also part of my charm, not really giving a fuck about others opinions most of the times.
For 2019, i only ask for the well being of the ones i love, the ones that make this hole in the chest smaller and smaller each day. For without them, i am less me and with them, i am much more.
See you around.