It’s now 19:18 and I’m slightly hangover from the past days. I don’t know exactly what makes me feel like this, but this year, unlike all others, i don’t feel like Christmas is over. Technically it isn’t, i know but usually by this time, i get the feeling that is zero countdown till next Christmas. However this year, blame it on the excessive alcohol or not, i feel pretty chippy still. Is this a sign of maturity? I hope not. I enjoy my lack of maturity now and then. It excuses some behavior.
I have dinner in 30/35 minutes where, i am sure, i will get my booze on and perpetuate this feeling of Christmas for a little bit longer.
I used to dread the 26th. For me, it meant Christmas time was officially over and i kind of felt a bit depressed. People would be all planning New Years eve and i would be just like, meh. Don’t really care for it. Never did. This year is no different. But i still feel quite Christmas-y. Don’t know exactly why but i’ll take it.
I have this friend that feels the same or similar. We bonded over Christmas. Take all the alcohol away and we have exactly the same feelings towards Christmas. Thing is, she promises things and never delivers. Maybe that is not a fair thing to say but it is my POV. She writes so well yet doubts every time. “ill write this one segment about the plus side of being me but then i won’t post for anyone to read.” It is a waste. I kind of like her, though. In fact, if it wasn’t for her, i wouldn’t be writing this right now just to prove a point.
Whoever reads my blog knows that what i post is basically a non-sensical parade of ideas and thoughts. I have no ambition concerning writing therefore i have no limitation to what i write. Quality-wise though, it is average at best. But i am fine with it. I like to know that i can improve. All this just to say that, at any time, anywhere, i can write any shit that comes to mind. I do not care about blog etiquette. I should but i don’t. Which makes me inconsequent in what i write.
I do like to read when others post and feel exactly what they feel. However heartbreaking or funny or pleasant it might be, i do value the input given to a post. In that particular subject, i am a rebel. I value what i don’t get to do. But i feel inspired by others. I appreciate their writing, however candid or abstract it might be.
So maybe i am changing. Maybe I am growing as a person (AH!) or maybe i just found something to focus on when everything else doesn’t seem to provide comfort. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I like the inconsistency of my condition as a blogger. Should i use this word to describe what i do here? Hm.
Anyhow. Don’t limit yourself to the same standard others do. Rebel out, chaos is not a bad thing. Embrace the anarchy of the word. The miss-matched subjects maybe desirable for some that weren’t aware. You’ve just read that and still, you might look forward to what comes next.