First of all, i must admit, i suck at shopping. If my wife asks me to get groceries, i get lost in all the options available. I’m not any good, i confess. It gets worse with Christmas. Holy shit, if it gets worse! There’s a saying that goes you should never shop on an empty stomach. I shouldn’t do any shopping while listening to Christmas songs and jingles. It makes my brain malfunction. And i buy shit that i shoudnt buy. Or get way too excited with quantities. Yeah, thats a problem.
Years ago, while i still lived with my parents, i decided on a whim that i would be responsible for the Christmas Eve dinner catering. That’s right, me with no knowledge of shopping at all, went all by himself while intoxicated on Christmas classics that supermarkets blast through their speakers. Oh, and when that awful, awful, Mariah Carey song comes on, i feel like buying all the shit in a 5 meter radius. It ain’t a funny sight to see, i tell you that much.
But here i am on a mission. Just so you see how unprepared i am, i didnt even make a list. I just thought i just walk around with the shopping cart putting christmas-y things that we enjoy in it. Not a good idea. To start things off, i don’t really know what to buy besides chocolates. That’s my knowledge of Christmas shopping. So i spend an unhealthy amount of money on chocolates. Which i get the price wrong because they come in different sizes and the price i checked was for the individual case. I thought it too cheap but then again, it’s Christmas. But then i have this idea, ill go online and see what most people get for Christmas Eve so that i can have this basic idea. That was a mistake.
I bought walnuts, i bought hazelnuts, i bought all kinds of nuts including pine nuts. Which in my defense, i wasnt aware that pine nut by the kilo is more expensive than gold! And i bought like 5 bags of it. It isnt even fair, you know. Pine nuts more expensive than gold?! Well, fuck me. That one was a shock. But that wasn’t even my item of shame. No, sir. I bought a pineapple! Some fuck online checked his Christmas list with a fucking pineapple! So i bought it. I don’t even fucking know why. But we had a pineapple for Christmas.
I get home, surprising everyone with my unique quality towards Christmas catering. My mom laughs while acknowlegding my effort. My brother checks the receipt and just goes “Hey, is the concept of prices new to you?”. Turn outs that i payed over 40€ in chocolates and i don’t even remember how much i ended up paying for pine nuts.
It became a Christmas tradition. But i wasn’t allowed to go alone. Fair enough.
But man, those fucking pine nuts and pineapple still haunt me today by way of my brother having a great memory!