A Christmas tale.


I am not a great Christmas shopper. In fact, i’m not a great shopper, generally. I like to give presents, i just hate that i have to buy them. It is too tiresome. Getting to choose something for that specific someone. I hate when i just give generic gifts. Like a perfume, a sweatshirt, a scarf, you know, that type of gift. I like to give something that people will in fact appreciate fully. So i hate to go through that. But i do like to walk around during Christmas shopping just observing people, just feeling this irregular dose of generosity in the air. It feels good! Good for them, i say!

But i’ve grown the past years. I am wise (AH!) enough to plan ahead. I take my time with gifts, although, if i’m being honest, my best gifts come to me unplanned, when in need! But still, i plan things now. People deserve my best when gifting them. I want them to know i took my time with it. And i’ve started to not mind at all. It’s all part of the season, i get my jolly-ness on and, off i go!

But there was this running gag, if you will, for years where i waited till the last day to make my Christmas shopping. It was my tradition! Everyone knew about this, some thought it funny, others irresponsible. Either way, i did it for many years. But, in case late Christmas shopping wasn’t enough, i had this tradition with friends where we used to get together on the 24th and just get our booze on. You know, like, pre-game it before Christmas Eve. That was fun!

So now, not only do i have to run around buying late Christmas gifts, i get to do it mildly drunk. Which, if you haven’t done it, is great fun! You end up spending more than you expected, sure, but you have fun. Well, i did at least. I bought some stupid gifts, i’ll tell you that but man, when time came to open them, it always gave that laugh! I am all about that if you know me the least.

One of the last Christmas we spended with our grandmother, she was already showing some early signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s, which ended up being what ultimately took her. But anyway, i tell you this because you’re supposed to make life easier for them. So (mildly) drunk me, at 18:00 on Christmas Eve, enters an electronics shop and gets asked if he needs help. Well, i do. I tell them i’ve got to buy a late Christmas gift. For my grandmother. So we got to talk a while and i end up buying a gift. I was stoked! I was sure noone had thought about this.

Fast forward to opening the gifts and i’m the Santa Claus for the night. This is a tradition that fell upon me and i’m happy to go along. Keep in mind that i’ve been drinking since 14.00 with a slight stop between shopping. Let’s say that i am a happy Santa at the moment. So i am distributing gifts left and right, we’re having a great time and i’m keeping that gift i got to my grandmother for last. We make a big thing of it. So i go and say, grandma, i bought this amazing gift with the help of my friend over at the electronics shop. As soon as i say that, my parents turn to me like, WTF? Electronics? Really?! And i go like, fuck yeah, really! It’s drunk Santa, i can do shit if i want to. So my grandma has this look on her face, this “where is my gift?” look on her. I look around, everyone has a similar look. Like, “what gift did he bought from an electronics shop for a slightly demented old lady?” look. And so i give her this box. All wrapped up nicely.

She opens and it’s a phone. A cellular phone! I bought my Alzheimer’s infested grandmother a cellular phone for Christmas. Even drunk me was surprised even though i bought it. The look on her face was priceless, a mix of genuine surprise and confusion as most people with the same disease look like. She was thrilled, everyone was kind of mesmerized by the gift. The result of drunk Christmas shopping had everyone laughing, my grandmother included, though a little bit clueless about why. But she loved it. She gave me this huge kiss like “thank you for this, im not too crazy yet to have one of those”. She never did use it but as people say, is the thought that counts. I miss her.

Drunk me bought the best gifts under pressure on Christmas Eve.

Santiago Roque

Author: santiago roque

I can predict the future. If given the right topic. Often confusing, i am mostly me on emotional steroids.

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