The grey (area).

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I read recently that when someone close to you dies, they get to know your darkest secrets. It’s hilarious, the things people say nowadays! I wonder how much research they had to put into it to come to this conclusion. I wouldn’t like any of my dead relatives to have access to that part of me. In fact, anyone, living or dead. Baby Jesus, just no!

The human nature allows for compatibility between dishonesty and happiness. I’ve read this too. I tend to believe it to be true. You see, depending on perspective, i don’t really lie to anyone but i might just keep somethings to myself. There are somethings that i can’t explain properly and therefore, i don’t tell. I do not disclose it. It’s not lack of honesty, i think.

But keeping (a) secret(s) may not be as bad as you think. But that also depends on the type of secret you’re keeping. And from whom. I am married and i don’t lie to my wife. Well, i try not to. But if she doesn’t ask the right question, i won’t give her the proper answer. There are certain subjects that we do not see eye-to-eye. And that’s okay. I call this the grey area. It is not a dark secret, something that may change how people see me but it’s neither that innocent. So it’s in the grey.

I’ve carried a secret for a while. I kept it in the dark from everyone and thought that i could really deal with it by myself. Slowly, but surely, it made me become a mess in disguise. Looking back, i really don’t know if telling anyone seemed an option to me. It should have been, you know. You just get caught up in what people say, i guess. I was the rock, the thread that kept everything together. I couldn’t come clean to them if the risk was them losing it. I had to keep my shit together, as promised. And i really thought i had everything in control. But I didn’t. I don’t regret not telling, i regret thinking i had no one to tell.

All i’m really saying is, you don’t need to disclose everything you do or feel to anyone. That’s the grey. But it helps. Thinking you need to keep it all to yourself may prove disastrous. I know. But i also agree that you might keep some of it from others. There is just a few things that people wouldn’t really understand about me. Not now, at least.

There is this great song from Queens of the Stone Age that goes:

Well I’ve got a secret, I cannot say
Blame all the movement to give it away
You’ve got somethin’, I understand
Holding it tightly, caught on command
Leap of faith, do you doubt?
Cut you in, I just cut you out

It’s actually about fucking, as said by the man himself which takes a whole new meaning but nonetheless, the lyrics are very smart.

Santiago Roque

Author: santiago roque

I can predict the future. If given the right topic. Often confusing, i am mostly me on emotional steroids.

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