How to ?


I was wondering: how do you break up with a friend? Can you? I mean, realistically. Like, do you have a talk and tell the other person that this friendship isn’t as healthy as you thought? Or do you just simply allow yourself to drift away ever so gently that the other person barely notices? Is that a thing? I wonder if people actually do this.

So, unable to come to a conclusion, i embrace technology and turn to Google. And the answer to the question “how to break up with a friend” has around 1 420 000 000 results. Shit, that’s a lot. However, if the question is “how to break up with a friend without hurting their feelings”, you obtain 637 000 000 results which tells me that twice as much people don’t really give a fuck about other people’s feelings. Shitty people. I’ll choose the amicable way and go with the latter one.


That’s one way to do it. Bluntly. Like a man. YEAH ! But seriously. This amicable way isn’t working because the results are too weird. The first result is the Suicide Hotline. That can’t be good. So, i go back to the first round of results. Fuck being nice. I check this one called “Science of People” (this sounds a bit too holistic for my taste). According to them, you have several options. As follows:

Option #1: The Talk

  • To clarify boundaries
  • To define a relationship
  • To see where each person stands
  • To talk about a future

Hm, i don’t know. It doesn’t seem to lead to a break-up if you ask me. This is pretty fucking weak.

Option #2: The Break

  • Give you a fresh perspective
  • Calm down
  • Miss each other
  • Re-evaluate

Well, this one sounds reasonable. I like option #2 so far.

Option #3: The Slow Back Away

  • You worry that they will not accept a break.
  • They will not be honest if you have The Talk.
  • They are bad with boundaries.
  • You hate confrontation.

I’d call this one the Ninja Modus Operandi.

Option #4: The Burst

  • State needs that are not being met
  • Be gentle and kind
  • Talk about how you feel
  • Don’t assign blame
  • Don’t make excuses

I like the name, The Burst. But if you must be gentle and kind and not assign any blame, fuck you, option #4, you don’t deserve that name.

And also this,

When we say no to relationships that don’t serve us, we make room for relationships that do.

Oh snap! Move bitch, get out of the way!

Yeah. I don’t know, all of this seems a lil’ bit too farfetched. Can you really end a meaningful friendship? Hm, let’s put this way: if you don’t talk for a month, i mean if you don’t keep doing what made the friendship work in the first place for a whole month, will you still be able to resume it? Will it be the same? Will you still crave my company? Will you still have lunch with me?


Oh, i like this one.

So this was like, ya know, research material. I had this question that needed answering. I have no friends that require breaking-up with. None whatsoever. Well, maybe that one with the … NO. Nope. No-one.


Santiago Roque.

Author: santiago roque

I can predict the future. If given the right topic. Often confusing, i am mostly me on emotional steroids.

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