No regrets?

I find it curious that some people have a tendency to say they have no regrets at all in life. I have no regrets as well but just in regard to some aspects of my life. In other aspects, yes, fuck do I regret doing that! And i think is absolutely stupid when people go and say that they only regret whatever they didn’t get to do. Yeah, that sounds realistic. Sure, it’s badass to say but unlikely true.

The argument usually stands on the belief that with any experience, good or bad, you get to learn something. But it doesn’t mean you don’t regret doing it. I learned from it and i regret doing it just the same. Drunk-driving anyone? And getting caught? Lesson learned for sure but still no regrets? Hm…

I was always up for when time came to try new things. But fuck me if don’t regret popping pills at 9.00am at school. Or that one time we hit a few bumps before taking our exams. Not a good idea. Lesson learned and added to regret list! I’m just saying there has to be space for regret. No weakness, just pure acceptance of misjudge.

And girls? Yeah, i regret some too. Way, way back i had this thing with a beautiful girl. She was very cute, had a sort of pixie hair cut and she was tall. I always liked tall girls. Anyway, by way of friends, we got to speak and exchange numbers. She kinda knew i had sort of a reputation, commitment wasn’t a thing for me back then. But we were cool, we kind of let things flow as they went. So this happened during Christmas when we always came back to spend it with my brother and the rest of the family as we had moved away a few years ago. It was implicit that my time back was short and i’d be back next summer only.

We had an amazing time together, that i do not regret at all. But it was what it was and shortly before Christmas we get together. Mind me, we had been “together” maybe 2 weeks or so and i decided it was becoming too attached. Not my thing. So genius me decides to tell her that i don’t know what this was but it was over. But before i get the courage to say it, she gives me a Christmas gift. A great gift actually. It was the Foo Fighters “One by One”. A great fucking album, still got it !

But now i have no gift and i’m about to tell whatever this was, is over. And i do. She had this very relaxed, albeit creepy reaction to it. She goes on saying that she knows i’m just afraid of committing myself to some one else (true-ish) and i’ll come around, she is sure of that (hm, yeah…). I was never an asshole towards the people i dated but i could have been more sympathetic when it came to end things. I had people break things off with me as well and i never took it bad. I mean, it wasn’t pleasant but i was ok with.

But this girl was insane. Non stop messages, phone calls late into night. She’s all over the place. Telling shit to people, personal things. She just tried almost everything to get back together. She got me to go to her house after insisting she would show up in mine. Then she goes off on me, with some reason i might add, but that ship had sailed. She cries, she laughs, i’m getting nervous. She begs me for a last kiss and i’m thinking ” please, no cyanide capsule!”. I get out feeling very, very weirded out.

A week or so goes by and i’m at the airport to catch my flight. Just standing there, checking the gate and such and, out of the blue, guess who ? Fucking pixie hair cut shows up. I’m at a loss for words. What the f-? How the fuck even ? I’m just equally surprised and honestly, amazed at the tenacity that this girl shows. You know, i’m kind of coming around now. Maybe. She gives me a slight peck on the cheek, gives me a letter and walks way. Just like that. And this is probably like 7:00 am or so. I’m impressed, shit. I just look on as she walks away. And then i open the letter and it says “I HOPE YOUR PLANE CRASHES AND YOUR LAST MEMORY IS ME WALKING AWAY. FUCK YOU.” Yeah, that was a nice flight.

Years later, i saw her. She did a double take when she saw me. That’s right bitch, plane didn’t crash. Fuck you.

Fuck me if i don’t regret that!

Santiago Roque

 

Author: santiago roque

I can predict the future. If given the right topic. Often confusing, i am mostly me on emotional steroids.

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