The inevitable.

I wonder how close to death i’ve come without realizing . I wish we had a counter of some sorts and we could know how close we were to kicking the proverbial bucket. That would be useful, looking at someone with a high count of death close-bys and going ” So, what do you do for a living? Well, i work as an accountant. Oh, really? Yes, in Burkina Faso. Ohhh, i see”.  The icebreaker of all icebreakers. No more silent awkwardness. In a bar ” Hey girl, s’up? Why the high count of death close-bys? Low criteria. Oh, got it. So, one more then?” The pick-up line right there, 2 in 1. That’d be cool. But seriously, how many of us really know how close we’ve got to actually dying? But i digress…

I actually did have a near death experience once. It was a medical condition and it got to the point that most of what i know was told to me afterwards. I don’t really remember much, there’s a lot of gaps. I remember getting to the hospital, but after that no so much. I remember that the tests they ran on me came positive for a variety of drugs. Back then, we used to smoke weed, so i thought weed would be obvious but the rest i have no idea. Two days before getting to the hospital, my brother got us some weird shit to smoke. He said he didn’t want it but i, to impress him, said fuck it and smoked that shit. It barely gave me a buzz but as i soon as i laid my head on a pillow i was out. I don’t think that that had anything to do with me winding up at the hospital but it sure as shit got me a test positive for a lot of shit weed-unrelated. It seems they guessed meningitis and i was tested for that.

The thing is, or at least was, in order to test you, they have to do a spinal tap on you so they can access some spinal fluid directly from the brain. Still to this day, it was most horrific, physical pain i went through. That i remember. But when performing a spinal tap, you have to be careful to “close the tap” once you extract or something like that. Otherwise you brain starts to get fucked up. Apparently that happened to me. I wasn’t able to stand up straight, i got nauseous and instantly threw up. They were too stupid to get to that conclusion and i spend 3 days like this. They said they had to repeat the process because the first draw of spinal fluid wasn’t enough or something. By this point, as told by my parents, i didn’t recognize people around me and became semi-catatonic. So my parents signed a waiver of responsibility and they took me to another place. My brother literally carried me out to my dad’s car because i couldn’t sit straight in a wheelchair. They got me to another hospital where they quickly found out what was wrong and started treatment. We got told that a few more days like this and i might have never recovered. My brother says i never did but that’s his opinion.

This was, to my knowledge, the closest i’ve come to die. I don’t know if it changed me as a person. I don’t even think it had any impact on me. But i remember my parents and brother being very concerned and talking about it like i was out for a while. They say it was scary to see me there just laying, open eyed without any reaction. I don’t remember anything about that.

And then there was that one time i took a plane at 23:00 and halfway through, the plane drops altitude and the masks dropped and all the lights went dark and i’m sitting all the way in the back thinking “what the f-” Had no time to react, lights came back along with the announcement of plane malfunction. False alarm, phew!

Mortality will come to us all eventually. But not before you turn 120 years. Why? Because Genesis 6:3, that’s why!

“Then the LORD said, “My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, because he also is flesh; nevertheless his days shall be one hundred and twenty years.”

NICE ! High-five Jesus !


Santiago Roque

Author: santiago roque

I can predict the future. If given the right topic. Often confusing, i am mostly me on emotional steroids.

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