Growing pains.

As i wrote about kids the other day, it made me think about my childhood, my upbringing. I wasn’t a only child, i’m lucky enough to have both a brother and a sister. One gave me liberties, the other one gave me a sense of responsibility. I’ll be forever grateful to them. They are me and i am them. There is no separation of thought towards happiness without having each one in mind. I guess everyone that as a brother or a sister feels the same. But just in case they weren’t aware, i was the favorite one. It is true. I’ve been told this or just imagined it multiple times. Either way, let’s accept it as a fact.

As a teen, my brother used to bully me a lot. I mean, i never got my ass beaten by anyone else but him. It seemed like a hobby to him. I used to think he was Satan himself sent to fucking throw me around whenever he felt like. I no longer believe that of course. I’m slowly becoming an atheist so i don’t believe in Satan. I just consider him a functioning psychopath now. Which is useful. As contradictory as it might sound, he was very protective of me. So anytime anyone tried to mess with me, super-psycho would be there to beat people up. That was nice. Once, when we were already adults and with our shit together, i asked him why all the fights. I don’t mind fighting someone but i do care for my physical integrity. He looks at me and goes ” I don’t mind getting hurt, as long as the other guy gets it worse.” I tell you, it is a double-edged sword having a brother like this. But i love him, he was my first best friend.

For a few years there, i gave hell to my parents. Things got so bad that no school close by would take me in. I had to ride a bus for an hour and 45 minutes to get to the only school that accepted me midway school year. That was fun. But by next school year, my mom had this idea that i’m forever grateful for: a catholic school ! Which meant catholic uniforms, like skirts and knee high socks. And that’s how you obtain a fetish, boys and girls. I really liked that school. For my mom was very useful because my younger sister went there also so i always took her with me to school and back. I still did some shit there but they were very forgiving. They had to, right? Turn the other cheek and all of that. I visited the school psychologist a few times, it was semi-mandatory as long as your parents allowed to. She was cool. She had piercings and dreads so it is safe to say she made an impression on me. Not just the one that she was expecting. But she was very nice. I eventually got my shit together. I did hit a teacher in self defense the next year but that was the last school issue i had. Like i said, i really liked that school.

I wasn’t a perfect child. No even by a long shot. But we were very aware of our shortcomings and failures. And that allowed us to self-improve as time went by. My parents gave us enough freedom for us to discover that by ourselves. They were great to us growing up and i hope someday to have the same impact on my kids too.

“To give and not expect return, that is what lies at the heart of love.” – Oscar Wilde

I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for us. Everything.


Santiago Roque




Author: santiago roque

I can predict the future. If given the right topic. Often confusing, i am mostly me on emotional steroids.

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